Selecting a tutor -- does gender matter?

Being a vigilant parent is no longer an option today -- it has become an absolute necessity. Today every child is exposed to far too many things at a relatively young age. The precociousness tends to develop at a much earlier stage. The matter is complicated further to the influences of the children at home (for which parents are mostly responsible), peer pressure, the groupism that is prevalent in most schools, the class disparities, you tube, Face Book, Video games etc. You, as a parent, do not have to look at the world with tainted glasses but you cannot afford to have blinkers in your eyes. Can you? Stay at home moms at least have the luxury of keeping a check, but what about working couples who leave their children in the care of domestic helps? We all have read about the murder of a teenage girl in the north which grabbed headlines a few years ago. Rather than being reactive, it will help if as parents, we are proactive and take steps to ensure that our children are protected. Traditionally, those who take tuitions at home have been mostly female. There are male tutors too who do take tuitions for the love of teaching. They may be working as school teachers or they may teach in the evenings only for the love of teaching and the comforts resulting from an extra income. But predominantly teachers who take tuitions at home or who visit homes to take tuitions have been females. There are certain male music teachers who visit homes too. What drives the decision about the gender of the tutor? Archana Gupta , a resident of Bangalore, staying in Nagavarpalaya is matter-of-fact about this. Her kids study in a private school in Brookefield and when she wanted to engage a private tutor for her teenage daughter, her choice was a female. “Girls in the pre-puberty and post-puberty phase do experience hormonal changes and mood swings. I can relate to it as a mother and so can another woman. But I can’t explain this to a male tutor. This is not to cast aspersions on anyone. But I am more comfortable this way”. 61-year old Kamalavalli Chandran, a resident of HSR layout, Bangalore reminisces about her school days in a village near Kanyakumari. Though she is a bit coy about it, to her credit, she is able to convey what she wants to. “After the age of 13 years, it became a bit difficult to go back to school in case you wanted a break to attend to the problems related with teen age. You can’t fight with nature, can you? But I was clearly uncomfortable explaining this to our male teachers. They were older men, no doubt and father figures too. Yet....” she pauses. “Today, the situation might have changed with girls becoming much bolder and formidable”. Way back in the early 80’s, an elopement in our neighbourhood in suburban Mumbai caused so much consternation and uproar. There was a young girl who went for private tuitions to a male tutor who was also her teacher in school. She was from a conservative Punjabi family, studying in class X. She fell in love with her tutor who was 10 years her senior and though they broached the topic when the girl was in the final year of her graduation, all hell broke loose. The couple eloped and though the boy was a Christian, their marriage has endured over the years. This may be more of an exception. One of my acquaintances who is now based in Delhi recounts the nightmare. “I sent my daughter to a private teacher in Janakpuri. The teacher (a female) was competent no doubt but her teenage son who was in college started becoming too familiar much to the consternation of my daughter. We confronted the teacher in an amicable fashion but she took offence to our comments. Luckily, once we discontinued the classes, the stalking also stopped”. Neela Ganeshan says, “Whether it is a girl or a boy, teenage has all sort of problems associated with it. Children are in the in-between stage where they can’t clearly decide between right and wrong and also are ashamed to admit it. The role of parents is extremely crucial in these years. The most important aspect is the comfort level of the child as well as the parents with the tutor. But my experience is that parents of a teenage girl will seldom send her to a private tuition with a male tutor -- someone who is in the age bracket of say 25-40 years.” Neela’s daughters are now in the US. Without sounding offensive or without any malice towards anyone, parents, please take a calculated decision. Put the welfare of your child first. Assess the pros and cons. While improving the academic performance of your child is extremely significant, you do not want to expose her to a risk, which if left unattended, can scare them for life? In group tuitions, the gender may not matter much. But in case of individual tuitions, this is a definitive factor. You cannot blindly trust anyone. So, it is better to respect vigilance and perform your role as a parent with all the sincerity that it deserves. When in doubt, put the welfare of your child first. Then your intuition will guide you towards the right path. Related useful links: Private Tutors in Bangalore Home Tutors in Bangalore Top Listed Home Tutors in Delhi Top Listed Home Tutors in Mumbai Top Listed Home Tutors in Kolkata Top Listed Home Tutors in Chennai